i'm almost there... a little more...

funny feeling... i don't know if i'm gonna laugh or i'm gonna be crying of disappointment. how am i? if you have been waiting for those line for days just like me, for sure you'll be happy to know somebody cares to know how are you? but if only he will know that you have been dying to hear that line for days during the times that you were sad, scared and confused. time that you need him to be there. time that you needed him to send you encouragement or sweet nothings... and he never did... too disappointing...

and when finally you made it, you'll hear the words - "how are you?" for me it feels empty yet give me a deep pain inside.

but it's alright, as i have said in my other blog, fear and pain, these are not knew to me. i have a lot of it already... at the times i thought i won't make it, are the times i discover my inner self, i saw my strength. maybe not only happiness but also my strength that i need to rely on myself and not to find it from somebody else to get me through hard times... i have to find it from myself...

oh tho!.. how i long to have someone to help me through...

JJRod'z

ps... i wanna say thank you for that someone who have been with me all this time... thank you... i'll never forget it...

ps.. and hahaha... you really don't read my posts do you? because if you do, you know what's happening to/with me...

ps... why I'm almost there... i use to be alone all my life. just being me. struggling and surviving on my own. probably i need to go back to that stage. especially now, that i am having some health problems.. yes, health problems at my age of 41... so at least if it's just gonna be me, the pain is just the disease and not the feeling of being neglected or left out...