tell me...

i started avoiding friends.
i am avoiding friends not because they are bad.
i know they only want what is good for me.

yet i don't want them to see me as

an easy bait or catch because i am sad.

and as much as i want to appreciate their effort
of making me happy
thinking that introducing me to others.
and knowing others is good;
i just can't, i just can't
because it is you that i want...

maybe just like how i see myself in the mirror
they too, can see i am sad, i am lonely...

lying is no longer an option nor to pretend.
whenever i tell them,
that we are okay
and all the good things that you are telling me
for them, it is no longer believable.

as series of questions struck me the most;
how is he? where is he?
i have no answer, and then another,
did he call you? any message?

and when after minutes of silence...
i replied, he is busy...
my friend shooked his head and say...
my friend, come on wake up!
24 hours multiply by 60 minutes
multiply by 60 seconds is 86,400..

and grabbing my phone,
he tried encoding,
good morning! hope you're fine.
take care, i love you!
see it's 10 seconds... just 10 seconds...

holding my shoulder another friend told me,
how can u nurture such love
if you cannot even exchange a single message a day?..
there is no more excuse,
there is always a way...

and after that, everyone was at lost of word...
i pretended to laugh
to convey he just don't know the truth about us...
but they didn't buy it.
so when i told them i feel cold
and excuse myself and went home...
they did not say any word...

they knew i was sad... sadder than sad.

is it a pity, or bad for me
if i am going to demand for ten seconds a day?
tell me? just tell me...

note: picture taken at Lakeshore, Burlington, ON, CA
         june 12, 2011 5:30PM