Friday, September 9, 2011

Guess who? And guess what?

In every relationship I got, no matter what happened especially with bad endings, I always keep it all to myself. Keep all the bad ones to myself. Cause of break up, fights and differences. I dont like telling everyone, especially our common friends what is going on. I even avoid them just to make sure that I will not be able to tell them. especially those that I know is very close tot he other party, because i have tendencies to protect myself to by telling my side of the story.

I dont want either me or him to end up defending ourselves to our friends. Things like that would make - making up or patching up more difficult.

Even with friendships, if something happened, i dont just go around telling our friends my side of story because I always try to save something. Besides there are happy and good things about the relationship. those are the things that I want to save. What I do is aim the main target. If there is something that i want to clarify i will direct the questions, the alligations, the accisations to the person. I get the answer I want or not, it doesn't mater anymore, as long as I have express what i feel and what I think. So it will only be me and him. Anyways, I always believe that people would know the truth. And if it happens, at least no word have came out my mouth. on my behalf, especially any "foul" word at all...

Maybe in a success of 8 out 10 is what i always get. But this past one that i got, maybe my charm (lol!)is no longer effective or the other party is naturally stubborn and full of pride. Hahaha! how many relationships did I have in the past. 12 at most... This is not just lovers type relationship but including friendships.

After we last saw each other on my first visit to his place, where all the problems started, i haven't see him again. I always know that everytime he has a long days off from work he is always visiting toronto. So to avoid him, i re-discover toronto and look for new places to hang out. But last night, i guess it is really meant to happen, on my way home to my friend's place after listening to cool nice jazz music, i accidentally saw him eating in a restaurant.

I admit im a little tipsy (lol!), ok drunk, had 4 bottle of bud. I snap a picture of him. Three snap shots on my iPhone. So instead of going home, i went to my favorite hang out at church street and start sending him text messages. And he replied back. Tried to be funny at the start but maybe it wasn't funny for him, and got two text messages that is for me "foul"... Never been told those words. Conduct unbecoming of a true gentlemen. Hehehe... For people who knew him to be good, you wont believed he said those. (That text incident would surely be part of my third blog - 14 months in canada).

Since the time that we talked, exchanged text messages and emails about what i discovered and what i knew and made him angry and disappointed on me. Again, on me... I still keep sending him messages, emails... Even at the time he is no longer replying (too stubborn and stupid of me, i know). Never stopped, I keep sending him messages that i thought would help us Be at least civil to each other. friends would be hard for sure after we both learned a lot about the lies within the 13months we have, i thought we could at least be civil to each other.

Especially now that i will be more often here in toronto, there will be more chances that we will bump with each other. I just thought that at least if ever that would happen, we can atbleast see each other eye to eye and smile. But that didn't happen last night. After receiving those two "foul text messages", i asked him to see me. No words, just come and see me. But no, he never showed up. And a lot more text messages that came after that, that is so disappointing.

So I guess, it ends there! That is what he want us to end. I did everything I can.

And who is he? He was the guy who inspired me to apply for my US Visa so i can visit him. That is the only thing that i need to be thankful of with that relationship. I was so much in love then probably that i have made a good impression on my personal appearance to the embassy and got myself an ten year multiple entry. He lives near where I am in canada, 2 1/2 hours drive crossing the US-Canada border...

For now, I am going to collect all the pictures that we have together in one file and keep it there. I will lock those memories. FB item na ba to?

btw, i have here attached my first ever music video... entitled "Saan Ka Man Naroroon..." lyrics and translation is posted in my blog -

The Backgroud Music was taken from YouTube with Katrina Saroyan Playing / Harp...


  1. I hope things work out for you. :-(

    Fickle Cattle

  2. Dear JJ: May you find a soulmate and happiness always in your relationships. Bright Blessings! jane jones Chiccoreal

  3. sometimes I find it best to just walk away, but even as I type this I know it easier said than done...I'm sure a bright spirit like you will find love some day soon :)

    liked the video very much

  4. :'( i felt your sadness jj. most of us would just walk away with anger and hate, but you are a clear example that one can always be the better person. hugs.

  5. @ Frickle Cattle, thank you and thank you for the visit...

    @ chiccoreal, thank you for that. this time i will fervently prayer for the right one for me.

    @ David Allen Waters, thank you!

    @ Sean, the memory of the perfume scent, the eyes, the hugs and the kisses is still hunting me...

  6. oh ga! i was teary eyed :-( yeah, it's best to leave while you still have the love and respect for oneself and for that person than leave when all is lost. in due time, you will be ok. ikaw pa! survivor baya jud ka! heheheh... smile even though your heart is still aching :-) -Chona GL

  7. Oh Maam Chona, you are always a sweet soul to me. Thank you for those words. I will try to do the reguests. I think you just give me an idea on what to do with my other blog.

    Thank you!


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