Friday, July 1, 2011

Woke Up Feeling Empty

Good morning everyone!

It's Canada Day! Everyone is still asleep probably except for those who will be preparing something for the celebration. I have heard there will be celebrations, talking about those close to me; one in Oakville, Burlington, Hamilton, Niagara Falls and of course Toronto!

I just got a text message from a very good sweet friend in Calgary that there will also one happening in their area tonight. Wow! Thanks for that Gary! Go for it enjoy the celebration... You deserve it after days of hard work...

But the irony to all of these is... I woke up empty headed. I don't know what happened because I already have a definite idea of what to do for the extra hour that my boss gave me tonight to go out and check what's happening and that tomorrow I am already heading to Toronto meeting my new found friends who are so welcoming and warm and kind to include me in their celebration, I just feel like I'm lost.

Am I having a hard time of making myself happy? Is this midlife crisis? Hahaha! But the end of self assessment, it's just that I always make my decision with a lot of expectation and with a lot of "BUT'S" and "IF's"...  making a lot of spaces just in case something comes. a surprise or whatever... i already miss the essence of surprises because of a lot of frustrated expectations. terrible! A Lot of expectations that I know won't happen no matter how hard I pray. It's just it is hard to hold on other people's mind, they have their own priorities themselves.

Now I know what to do, make a changes on my dates with friends. I'll just meet them to watch the parade on Sunday. I'll try to feel the toronto city celebration tomorrow all by myself. Oh how I wish I'm back in the Philippines. There I'll start being alone and before I know it everyone is joining me. But I'm not home. I'll try to do it here. Sometimes the best of going out alone, if you suddenly change your plan, you don't need to consult anyone.

Anyway, I already made a reservation in a cheap but clean place to stay. Hopefully next year I can afford a better one. Besides I need to save a little money for my Montreal, Ottawa and Calgary trips for July, August and November.

Ok there I go. After a big cup of coffee, I'm not lost and  no longer empty headed. No expectation, pleasure yourself. Hahaha!

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